What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?
(Laura Story, "Blessings")
This Thursday will mark 10 years that we've been married. 10 years. Yes, 10. As in I don't even have to type out the word any more I can use the actual numbers on my keyboard.
If you would ask me to describe this last 10 years in one word, you may be surprised at the one I choose, at least today. The word I would pick would be pain.
(Thanks for instantly prejudging what I'm about to say.)
I hate to admit it, but pain seems to be the most common theme that we've faced together. The fact is, you have no idea the depth and details of everything that's happened in the last decade. There have been things far to excruciating or personal to tell on this blog. That's saying a lot: read the archives, they get pretty heavy.
And I can't know the details of your last decade either. In a way, I wish I could because then I would know if we're a "normal" couple or not. But what is a normal couple? And who is that person that's actually lived an "ordinary" life? I'm still looking for that guy that the world's been fair to. I can see him in my mind, but every time I try to identify a particular person that's walked that road, I can't seem to find anyone.
I would say that I'm happy and that life is good, but when I look back at the last ten years--the very years that I believe have made me what I am--the thing that stands out most is tears. How can it be that I am happy or that I could say, "Life is good. I can't complain."?
The answer comes in looking forward. Hope will bring you through the longest and darkest days and we have a hope that cannot be quenched.
We believe that all that has happened will be the things that prepare us for what's ahead, and what's ahead is always more important than what's behind.
I hope this post will be part of a series of posts about our 10 years together. I would hate to leave the subject with only this to say.