True love: difference & dissonance

Compatibility has become a heavily-promoted theme in modern relationships, but the idea never really connected with me.  Now, I know, I've only been married one time.  Some of you have been married several times, so you completely trump me on the experience thing.  This is one man's perspective only.

Many of the strongest connection points for Anne-Marie and I have been in our differences, not our similarities.  Shared interests are ingredients for a lot of fun, which is good.  However--at least from my limited experience--the times when we clash are what has built our relationship.

Our marriage has seen so many times where I find out she thinks one way, I think another and I see it this way while she sees it that.  Leaving behind all denial and going from there to the point of realizing that's how it really is and allowing it to just be makes for a giant step in a relationship.

Of course, we all want to share common interests, especially at the beginning, but I'm convinced that the true bond comes in the couple, friend and even parent/child relationships that are willing to work through those things our society has decided to call "irreconcilable differences".

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Now that I've taken four paragraphs to express what could have been said in a single tweet, allow me share one more thought.  If there is one way I may have increased our compatibility it is in deciding to love what Anne-Marie loves.

Yes, that's right.  I decided.

When God joined us together, He joined us mind, body and soul.  In other words, in everything.  What I do with her, for her, to her: it's all important.  It's the makings of the relationship that I vowed to make work.

Do you know how much I knew about antiques before I met Anne-Marie?  Nothing at all.  How much do I know about antiques now?  Probably more than most.  Because Anne-Marie loves antiques.  And I love Anne-Marie.  (That's just one amongst a hundred examples between the two of us.)  And it's just a little, tiny part of what makes us work.

Of course it's gratifying when someone takes the time to understand what you're interested in, but beyond that, it sends her the message, " I'm interested in what you're all about."

It's not gonna feed the hungry.  It won't create jobs.  It's not going to promote world peace.  Actually, it might promote world peace a little.

Like I said: just one guy's perspective.  Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

10 Reasons Why I Love Her

I was challenged to do this by some of my friends on Facebook. Here is my completely original list of 10 reasons* why I love her:

She's the strongest person I know

Superheroes go from tragedy to triumph in 24 pages. After watching her for all these years, I think Anne-Marie could do this. She walks straight through fire and into next month's issue. That's why she's my hero.

She exudes beauty

This is the one that most people might think of right away. Anne-Marie is a beautiful, feminine lady that makes everything around her beautiful.

She loves nerdy/intellectual things

You probably didn't know this, but Anne-Marie likes sci-fi, mysteries and stories of the wild west. Graceful as she is, she wants someone to be blown up or punched in the face. (OK, that might be a slight exaggeration...) She also has a soft spot for superheroes, but as I mentioned before, that's because she IS one.

She's acquainted with grief

One of the reasons Christ was so impacting is because of this. Anne-Marie has those certain qualities and virtues that can only be born out of suffering.

She has a natural grace and class

Good posture, hospitality, compassion and etiquette without pretension. Yeah. I pretty much take these for granted most of the time.

She can say "I'm sorry"

Whether she got it wrong or in comfort to those who hurt, she is willing to say the two words that are sometimes hardest to say.

She has character

In order to develop my own integrity, I work hard to examine any possible way I could be taking advantage of others. Anne-Marie doesn't struggle with this nearly so much. She just IS this.

She isn't afraid to try something new

I can be crazy adventurous and spontaneous. Anne-Marie is not at all like that, but she doesn't just put up with my adventures: she willingly joins in.

She's fiercely loyal

Anne-Marie would stand by me if bullets were flying. If I'm wrong, she might tell me, but she would never leave my side.

She's still slightly mysterious to me

What can I say? There's just something about her.


*I have omitted the other million reasons for the sake of brevity.

If I Could Have Known

If I could have known what it would be like to be married to you, I wouldn't have been so afraid that day. If I only could have realized how much joy you would bring into my life.

If I could have heard the conversations we would share, I would be amazed to hear the words that you gave me.

If I could have seen the perilous times we would face, I would see your courage as we went through them.

If I could have felt the gentle touch of my wife, I would have reveled in the peace and fulfillment my heart would feel each night.

If I could have known how much your friendship would mean to me through the years, I would have been afraid not to spend the rest of my life with you.

If I could have known.

Love Letters

Writing love letters is going out of style. Too many fast (sometimes sloppy) ways to communicate have allowed us to lose sight of writing things that artfully express the feelings of the heart.

Since I've been focusing the blog on romance this year, I thought I would share at least one of the love letters I've written to Anne-Marie over the last 15 years. I not only want to talk about my love for Anne-Marie publicly, but I want to help bring true romance and committed love back into the forefront of people's thinking.

The words you say count. And just like the hurtful things you say will echo in the minds of the ones you love, the kind and loving things will be pondered, cherished and replayed over and over again in their hearts.

This Valentine's Day post isn't actually late

For our upcoming 10th anniversary, I've been focusing a lot of blog posts on love and romance, so one would figure that a Valentine's Day post would be inevitable.  If you waited with baited breath for a post yesterday, I apologize.  But I do have a good justification that I found in the lyric of an old American pop standard that Anne-Marie really likes.

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak,
are you smart?
But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me.
Stay, little valentine
Stay.
Each day is Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day, all you lovers, today, tomorrow and...

Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday

Today, February 6, 2011, marks 100 years since Ronald Reagan was born. Ronald Reagan was President of the United States of America from 1981 to 1989, which was when I was a kid. Former president Reagan died seven years ago in 2004 after a decade-long struggle with Alzheimer's disease.

I admire Ronald Reagan for a number of reasons, but if I had to pick one, it wouldn't be for that famous speech at the Berlin Wall. It wouldn't be about tax cuts and it wouldn't be about air traffic controllers. The one reason would be Reagan's undeniable love for his wife, Nancy.

Dear Mrs. Reagan,
And you are Mrs. Reagan because Mr. Reagan loves you with all his heart. Every time Mr. Reagan sees the evening star or blows out the birthday candles or gets the big end of the wishbone he thinks the same wish—a prayer really—that so much happiness will go on and somehow be deserved by him.
It is true sometimes that Mr. Reagan loses his temper and slams a door but that’s because he can’t cry or stamp his foot—(he isn’t really the type.) But mad or glad Mr. Reagan is head over heels in love with Mrs. Reagan and can’t even imagine a world without her—
He loves her
Mr. Reagan
- Ronald Reagan in an undated love letter to Nancy from the 1960's

So many times the negatives of celebrities and politicians personal lives are criticized, while the positives are disregarded as a facade. But now that this is history (albeit recent history), many people have opened up about the close relationship this couple shared. You can call it sentimental or sappy or mis-matched or whatever, but you can't call it fake.

AP/Peter Jones

The genuine emotion Nancy Reagan showed after the loss of her husband reminded me that all the things I accomplish in this life are not nearly as important as the love I leave behind with those closest to me. And the warm affection of one woman after I'm gone will mean more than thousands at a state funeral.

Let the romance begin.

Way back in September, I wrote this post. Of course, since then, we've had a lot of things change in our lives and I never got to the romantic stuff. But since this 10th anniversary year comes only once, I guess I should get started.

Love Song Mash-Up #1

The city's aflood
And our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust
Now if you feel that you can't go on
Because all of your hope is gone
And your life is filled with much confusion
Until happiness is just an illusion
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue
Just as time knew to move on since the beginning
And the seasons know exactly when to change
Just as kindness knows no shame
Know through all your joy and pain
That I'll be loving you always
Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I'll do my best
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me
Darling, in you I found
Strength where I was torn down
Don't know what's in store but together we can open any door
Sharin' horizons that are new to us
Watchin' the signs along the way
Talkin' it over just the two of us
Workin' together day to day
You'll keep me standing tall
You'll help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess I'll be with you 'til the end
It’s so incredible, the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about
And undesirable, for us to be apart
I never would’ve made it very far
’cause you know you got the keys to my heart
I hope you do believe me:
I've given you my heart.

Your love,
Eli

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Can you identify any of these songs? (The person with the most correct gets some of those chalk candy hearts sent to them by mail, as long as they pay for the shipping...and the candy.)

Love isn't only when you feel it

One the 2nd weekend of each September, Anne-Marie and I take time to celebrate our anniversary.  This year--to celebrate NINE years--we are headed once again to Astoria to have a romantic weekend together.  We're not even bringing the kids (who of course will be left with armed guards in a secure location). 

For the first seven anniversaries we stayed in a bed & breakfast in Astoria.  You remember that last year we had to cancel the eighth-year-anniversary trip because we needed to be in Ethiopia that same week.  We made up for that trip by going to the same B&B in January.

This year, the tradition changed ever so slightly.  We will NOT be going to a bed and breakfast.  Instead, we're going to be staying at the Hotel Elliott in downtown Astoria.

Built in 1924; restored in 2003.  Should be an experience and hopefully a relaxing one.  The fact o' the matter is, Anne-Marie and I have both been very sick this week and really don't feel like putting together a romantic weekend.  I'm so glad that love doesn't have to wait until it feels like it.

Since we are entering our 10th year of marriage, I think maybe I'll post some stuff about love and romance over the next year.  How's that sound?