Thursday, February 14, 2013

True love: difference & dissonance

Compatibility has become a heavily-promoted theme in modern relationships, but the idea never really connected with me.  Now, I know, I've only been married one time.  Some of you have been married several times, so you completely trump me on the experience thing.  This is one man's perspective only.

Many of the strongest connection points for Anne-Marie and I have been in our differences, not our similarities.  Shared interests are ingredients for a lot of fun, which is good.  However--at least from my limited experience--the times when we clash are what has built our relationship.

Our marriage has seen so many times where I find out she thinks one way, I think another and I see it this way while she sees it that.  Leaving behind all denial and going from there to the point of realizing that's how it really is and allowing it to just be makes for a giant step in a relationship.

Of course, we all want to share common interests, especially at the beginning, but I'm convinced that the true bond comes in the couple, friend and even parent/child relationships that are willing to work through those things our society has decided to call "irreconcilable differences".


Now that I've taken four paragraphs to express what could have been said in a single tweet, allow me share one more thought.  If there is one way I may have increased our compatibility it is in deciding to love what Anne-Marie loves.

Yes, that's right.  I decided.

When God joined us together, He joined us mind, body and soul.  In other words, in everything.  What I do with her, for her, to her: it's all important.  It's the makings of the relationship that I vowed to make work.

Do you know how much I knew about antiques before I met Anne-Marie?  Nothing at all.  How much do I know about antiques now?  Probably more than most.  Because Anne-Marie loves antiques.  And I love Anne-Marie.  (That's just one amongst a hundred examples between the two of us.)  And it's just a little, tiny part of what makes us work.

Of course it's gratifying when someone takes the time to understand what you're interested in, but beyond that, it sends her the message, " I'm interested in what you're all about."

It's not gonna feed the hungry.  It won't create jobs.  It's not going to promote world peace.  Actually, it might promote world peace a little.

Like I said: just one guy's perspective.  Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

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