Reflecting on the 4 years since...

On the one-year anniversary of the day Anne-Marie was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer, I wrote these words:

When we woke up on Friday, May 12, 2006, we had no idea what the outcome of the previous Wednesday's test would be. We scheduled a weekend at a condo in Sunriver, Oregon, to think about the results, regardless of what they were.

We both, by that time, were feeling physically ill due to the stress of the past few weeks. The drive to the 9:30 AM appointment at Dr. Shawn Morgan's office at Willamette Falls Hospital seemed to take forever.

We checked in and sat for almost forty minutes. They were running twenty minutes late. We got into the room and sat. Dr. Morgan was running later than ther rest of the staff. (I wonder now if he was in his office trying to psych himself up.) He walked in and, as he was sitting down, he said suddenly, "It looks like the results of the biopsy showed that it WAS cancer."

He immediately began to explain our options. I don't remember a thing he said except, "You're probably not going to remember anything that I tell you, but hopefully, between the two of you and my telling you over and over again, you'll remember some of this." Eventually, after many consultations with Drs. Morgan and Smith, we began to understand our options.

We left the clinic to go pack our things. We stopped at Biscuits Cafe for breakfast; we were finally able to eat.

As Anne-Marie got stuff ready at home, I found the phone list of people to call with the results. I made the list the day before because I knew that I wouldn't be able to think clearly enough when it came down to it. I made calls at home and halfway to Central Oregon.

It's been four years since that dark day and, while I remember it as if it had just happened, it seems so far away. I'll always remember that weekend at a little condo in Sunriver Resort. A broken wife and a terrified husband. In the cool of the evening, we walked the trails and talked it over. If you could have seen how strong she was, you would know why I admire her as much as I do.

While we can physically return to the same place, we can never re-live those precious times when we needed each other so much.

A year from now will be the 5th anniversary, and soon afterward the doctors will declare Anne-Marie completely cancer free.